The most wonderful time of the year can also be the most stressful time of the year. This may sound sexist, but the burden tends to fall on women, and more specifically, mothers.
There have been more Christmases than not, where I untied the Christmas tree I just purchased by myself, had it fall on me from the 8ft roof of my SUV, struggled to haul it into the house and decorate it by myself.
Before you ask where my husband was through all of this, I usually impulsively chose to do this by myself on a day or week when my husband was extra busy with work. Why did I do this?
Partially because I have self-diagnosed ADD, but also because at the time I suffered from a martyr complex and took on way too much to the point of overwhelm. Christmas needs to be special! And nobody helps poor little me so I must do “the most” all by myself. Boo-hoo. I’m playing the tiniest violin on my fingers. Hint…this leads to resentment.
My emotions for many years around the holidays produced a woman who looked like this- fake smile, resentful, exhausted, and doing all the things with no margin for rest, and…poor boundaries.
Maybe you can relate? I have realized over the years that what I love most about the holidays…family, lights, the true Christmas story, and the festivities can be enjoyed without all the stress.
The key for me is self-care. I have become fierce about the practices that keep me sane and in the holiday spirit.
One thing that’s different after 28 years of marriage is that last year we bought an artificial Christmas tree. If you’re considering it, do it! Costco’s tree is simply stunning. No regrets here, and no more needles or hauling required.
It’s important to note that to have self-care, you need to have some boundaries to protect your time. Take care of yourself first so you have the energy to pour into others.
Here are my personal favorite self-care strategies:
Ditch the traditions that cause too much stress. For me, this was Christmas cards. I love the idea and the spirit of sending cards, but the amount of time and deliberation that went into the process would hang over my head every year. It was getting more difficult to get everyone together and dressed nice for a photo. If I was lucky, they’d be sent out the week of Christmas.
And then, there’s the feeling of embarrassment that arises when you get cards from others, but it usually comes from the thought, what will they think of me? That’s just a thought. There is no evidence anyone will truly think poorly of the choice to not send Christmas cards. And if my friends stop sending me cards, I will understand and that is ok too.
Pick a spiritual event to attend. After all, this is the reason for the season. Maybe there’s a concert at church, or a school Christmas pageant. Maybe you have an Advent by Candlelight like they host at my church.
Along with this, during the season watch the movie The Nativity Story, and light the Advent wreath every night at dinner time. I love the stillness of these traditions and how they nurture the soul.
Take a candlelit bubble bath with Epsom salts. You may have to schedule this in your calendar. With all the stress, our bodies need the extra Magnesium from the salts, and help with inflammation and sore joints. I add peppermint, lavender, and frankincense essential oils to engage the senses.
Make yourself a special seasonal non alcoholic drink, either a white hot chocolate or a copycat pumpkin spice latte https://pennypinchinmom.com/pumpkin-spice-latte-starbucks-copycat-recipe/. Now grab a cozy throw and watch Hallmark movies by the fire, and drool over the over the incredible décor and the beautiful winter coats!
During these shorter days when you need more daylight, getting outside and moving is critical. Besides, nearly half of all women have a vitamin D deficiency.
I am grateful for my dog Poppy, and it is because of that little angel, I have walked almost every day of the year for the past 2 ½ years. Nothing is more energizing than going for a brisk walk in the cold. The more demands I have, the more I NEED a workout, in or out of the gym.
I used to have FOMO if I missed any parties or events during the holiday season, but now, I pick and choose which events will bring me peace and which ones will zap my energy. I’m learning to say no to some things. It also allows for more spontaneity in my schedule, like getting some one-on-one time with my husband.
I put a limit on gift giving. We stopped giving gifts to extended family. While it was fun, we have a sizable family on both sides, so forgoing the extra shopping for another 15 kids saves a lot of time, stress and money.
Treat yourself to a mani-pedi or a massage when the stress is affecting your body. When you have aches and pains, and a stiff neck, that’s a sign that your body needs attention. I love the nail salon I go to because of their great massage chairs. Pretty nails are the gift that keeps giving every time you get a glimpse of your pretty little hands and feet.
Every year around Christmas, I take my girls to an afternoon tea, complete with scones, tea sandwiches and my favorite lavender Earl Grey tea. This beloved tradition gives me precious time to bond with my favorite people, and drinking tea is so elegant!
One final thing I like to do right after Christmas is taking a written inventory of the past year, recalling all my wins and failures, and the things I’ve learned, which develop into “rules” for the year to come. I then write my dreams and goals for the year ahead, and then I make this into a vision board.
I google and print all the images and words I want to represent the next year, and in true grade school fashion, cut and glue stick them all to a posterboard.
This is another practice I like to do with my girls. It teaches them to honor their accomplishments and gives them confidence and gratitude for how much they’ve grown and the courage they’ve had.
May you have a beautiful and blessed Thanksgiving with your families.