Happy Valentine’s Day, or perhaps you’re celebrating the wildly trendy Galentine’s day with all your favorite soul sistas.
Either way, it’s a good day to talk about love, the giving and receiving part, or namely, the love bank. Every relationship has its share of give and take. And all go through good times, bad times, moments of kindness and moments of disrespect.
When my kids were in grade school, they had a teacher named Mrs. G. If she heard a child name calling or being mean to another, she would say, “OK Johnny, now you have to give two put ups for every put down.” She would make sure that kid said two things that were so kind that after a couple of minutes, both kids were bff’s, and all was forgiven.
We need to do this in our love relationships as well. Every time we are less than our best selves to one another, we can step up and say a heartfelt sorry, but we can also do a few nice things to counter the not so nice.
Positive interactions fill the love bank. Negative ones take nasty withdrawals with the penalty of resentment and bitterness.
It’s important to know your partner’s love language, so you know that your deposits are going into the correct bank. In the book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman describes the different ways couples feel cared for and loved.
1. Acts of service – doing chores or nice things for each other
2. Physical touch – making an effort to hug, kiss, hold hands or be intimate
3. Quality time – spending time together doing things that create connection
4. Words of Affirmation – affirming and complimenting your partner for who they are and what they do
5. Giving and receiving gifts – giving little surprises or things that you know they would like
Most of us have 2 primary love languages. I am an Acts of Service and Quality Time kind of girl. If my husband cleans the kitchen or tells me he wants to spend the day with me exploring a new town, my love bank is bursting.
My husband, like many men (according to my friends) likes Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch. Make sure your man hears how much you appreciate him, and encourage him that he’s doing a good job. How would, “You look cute today!” land with your guy?
Men are under a lot of pressure, and they don’t always have someone to share the burden with. (I know, we are too ladies. But we are master multitaskers, and hopefully we have a good girlfriend or sister to unload on ;))
This Valentine’s Day, have a conversation with your partner about your love languages. Then start filling that bank. The more deposits you make, the more you will get back in return. It’s a law of nature. Love begets love.